Today, September 1st, is my mom’s birthday. It’s the first one without her. The urge to call her, to go see her, to find her is there, but she isn’t present here in this world. But thankfully and gratefully her presence will always be felt.

The day after my Mom passed was a day like absolutely no other in my life. I wondered how many days had she been with me, there for me, always present. From February 23, 1965 to June 16, 2023 I had her with me for 21,298 days. We were actually together for longer because she carried me and cared for me for those 40 weeks before she brought me breathing into the world.

Then, that morning the day after she left us, she wasn’t there anymore. There were only memories swirling and thousands of pictures to pour over. When you were young and you couldnt find her at the playground or the store that sense of panic and loneliness would seize you. Then she would find you, and take your hand and all would be fine with your world. That morning after, I could not go find her and hear her voice. This was a loss and loneliness I had never known.

Bavaria 1966

I knew the day was coming. She had a terminal illness, one she absolutely never complained about. She faced it with the same class, dignity and resolve I saw my entire life. It really was remarkable. She was ready to “come home” as she told me a few weeks before she passed. I didn’t want to hear that, but I knew deep down it was coming. We hoped we had until Christmas, maybe into next year but it wasn’t to be. In fact I have said to many of you that I understood that the “circle of life” was happening to me.

Munich 1966

What I didn’t know was how many of you have gone through this process of loss, the overhelming sadness and that feeling of just being “lost” because the one you could always count on was just not physically there for you anymore. Two special friends lost their mothers in the last couple of weeks. Several of you shared with me at our class reunion last month that you have been through losing your mom, your dad, a sibling or relative just recently or in the past. You had words of comfort for me, and you told me to hold onto all of those good memories and know in your heart that you will see her again. Thank you. I am very grateful to all of you and I want the very same for you - to know she made you, she molded you, and that you will see her again.

I wrote this to help myself move through the “process” of loss. A very good friend I have met through the business world sent me this book “It’s OK Not to be OK.” HIs wife was tragically taken from him just a couple of years ago and I have watched and admired him for the life he has chosen to keep on living and appreciating. I can only imagine what he has been through and how he misses her. Just like I could only imagine what all of you had expereinced when your Mom was not there anymore. Now I know how you feel, and I feel for you too.

Germany 1966

I wrote this to thank all of you for being the special friends and support that you are. I also wrote this to those of you who miss your loved ones and who are dealing with the very recent pain of losing your Mom or loved ones. Know that others will help you be “ok.”

Most importantly I wrote this to honor and remember my mom. She accomplished so much. She truly made a difference in so many lives. She made me who I am today. A very special friend wrote this to me a couple of days after she passed and I think it encapsulates so much of what I try to feel about her, to remember about her and what I know about my Mom.

“In high school, she always seemed like the perfect mom to me. She was so proud of you. She was always interested to talk to me, in the way I recognize now is special between adults and teens. She took what we were doing seriously-even if it was prom decorating. That kind of listening and attention makes a young person feel heard and it is a precious gift an adult can give to someone finding their way. I really appreciate that your mom saw us young adults as whole people.”

A few weeks before she passed, on a Sunday afternoon, we watched two movies together. Her favorite, “Casablanca” and my favorite “The Cider House Rules.” She loved that I wanted to watch “Casablanca” and I loved that she loved “The Cider House Rules.” It was was a truly special day together. So, please watch a movie with your Mom. Please call a loved one, a friend or someone who you think just might need a word of encouragement today. Help someone find their voice. Just listen to someone who needs to be heard. That’s what Moms do. There are thousands of days we have together, and then there is a day when we don’t. As the saying goes, “Don’t count the days. Make the days count.”

Happy Birthday Mom. At the playground, on the other side, I know you will find me again.

Betty Stevens was a longtime resident of Marquette and East Lansing, Michigan. She was a teacher, principal, superintendent, volunteer, friend and a truly special person and wonderful Mom, Betty Lou Stevens Obituary (tributearchive.com)

The Author: Glenn Stevens Jr., Glenn@MichiganStreet.org